why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
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