shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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