At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
