You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
