i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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