I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize