dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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