There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
