if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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