there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
