Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
