we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
