The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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