Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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