Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
