Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The beer is more important than you right now.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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