His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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