I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
