No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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