i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
