At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
