Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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