I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
