I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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