what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
