this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
