Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
