I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
