I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
