goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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