I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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