We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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