You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
