I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
