your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
