I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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