Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
