is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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