after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He? As in you personified your dick?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize