Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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