I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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