you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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