clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
