Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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