I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
