I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
