i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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