I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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