Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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