Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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