So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
