Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
