apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize