There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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