i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he thought i was a dude.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
