Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
