There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
