She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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