So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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