in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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