clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
