I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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