I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i was born a porn star she said
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
