just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
