Im at strip club and am horny
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We smell like vodka and hangover
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
