I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
A+ Viking dick
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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