absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just found puke in my bra..
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
