Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
